Speakerphone

Speakerphone

I hate speakerphone!  I hate being put on speakerphone.  In the legal profession, as I am in, attorneys LOVE to use speakerphone.  In my opinion, it is yet another way they utilize something, in this case, a telephone, that will allow them to exert the least amount of effort as possible…this “something” is usually their staff, but I’ll blog on that another day.  You just never know who is within earshot of these contraptions.  Plus, have you ever actually heard yourself, as on a tape recording?  I prefer the computerized non-gendered voice to leave my “I’m not here” recording on the answering machine at home over the sound of my own voice.  (Maybe this is another reason why my husband gets a pinched look on his face when I’m speaking sometimes….NYAH, can’t be!!)
I was “put on,” put UPON, if you ask me, to speak on this infernal thing today, to yes, an attorney.  I was speaking to both he and his secretary over the damned thing.  As soon as I heard the tunnel-like sound of his voice to know the speakerphone was in full effect, I felt like starting off with “We will now the recite the Pledge of Allegiance…”   Or start singing The Star-Spangled Banner…ya know, the way that song sounds when you heard it sung at the ol’ Friday night high school football games?!?   Ah ha!  THAT’S what I’ll do next time I’m to “speak” on the friggin’ speakerphone – just start singing The Star-Spangled Banner at the top of my voice…imagine Roseanne when she did it, yet even slightly more off-key.  That’ll teach ‘em…

Rules Re: Men (and Women) Wearing Cologne in the Workplace

(Before I begin this rant, let me preface it by saying that I myself am a lowly peon at my place of employment, exist only to serve my boss' most self-centered and lazy demands, and have no more place to talk about "contract workers" than the man-in-the-moon) Therefore, I begin: If your profession entails you entering other people's places of business to perform work in the aforementioned people's personal space, please please PLEASE oh please smell nice! I am currently being assaulted by a very nice, very helpful phone workman, who is quickly & quietly attempting to vamp up our terribly old phone system, and only hesitantly interrupts me in a very professional & courteous manner. However, when he does get close to me to pick up my phone receiver, the smell of his cologne (and yes he IS wearing some) promotes a yucky, weird feeling to occur in my tummy. Granted, it is not a nasty smell, like boiled cabbage or Frito-feet, but it's an offending smell nonetheless. And truly, I mean nothing against this kind man who is just here doing his job, helping us, and who probably has no idea nor reason to be embarrassed or harangued about his cologne. But pew-wee!
It's such a shame, too, because cologne can do so many good things on men, when properly applied and worn. I mean, when my husband gets ready for an evening out and walks with me out of the house, and I get one of those heavenly whiffs, it's all I can do not to drag him back into the house by his you-know-what. (I apologize for the lewdness, but DAMN, does he smell good!)
And in all actuality, I myself should be grouped into this category myself. I am an avid perfume lover, as well as wearer....I believe one of the highest compliments you can be paid is "Mmmm, you smell nice." However, just the other morning, while my sister & brother-in-law were bunking with us, thanks to Rita the B*&$%, my little niece saw me spray myself with my perfume (Rapture by Victoria's Secret, just so ya know I do try to smell nice) and hollered "Spray me, spray me!" So, in an attempt to oblige her and enjoin her in big-girl's ways, I did. She then ran to her father and said "Smell me, Daddy," which he did, and to which he replied very matter-of-factly, "Mmmmm, you smell just like a French whore." Now, was it an appropriate thing to say to your 3-year old daughter? No. (An appropriate, or nice, thing to say about me? Absolutely not! I know he doesn't know I heard him - "But I DID, Jeff!") Was it a reference to an old, pleasant memory from when he still lived in Canada? Possibly. :) Yet, a good reason for me to rethink MY "smell-good" habits. YES.
But see?!? Constructive critiscm is helpful AND appreciated....now would anyone like to let my lil' phone man in on the news?

Weezer

Has anyone heard the newest song from Weezer? I love it....it's got a funky little beat, "and it's fun to dance to."